Root Of The Problem

Robert Kolker, in a recent article in New York Magazine wrote "Rabbi-on-child molestation is a widespread problem in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community, and one that has long been covered up, according to rabbis, former students, parents, social-service workers, sociologists, psychologists, victims’ rights advocates, and survivors of abuse interviewed for this story. They argue that sexual repression, the resistance to modernity, and the barriers to outsiders foster an atmosphere conducive to abuse and silence."

The suggestion is that the nature of our community fosters this problem. What about our community? - sexual repression, resistence to modernity and the barriers to outsiders.

D'racheha dar'chei no'am v'chol n'thivotheha shalom, Your ways are ways of pleasantness and all your paths are peace. The Torah lifestyle is the ideal lifestyle for fostering Torah values and Torah observance. The true Torah life style does not foster abuse of any kind.

The lack of sexual repression and the wonderful modernity of secular society has brought us to the huge percentage of high school and even junior high school (and rachmana litslan now even elementary school) promiscuity. Secular society teaches that there are no boundaries for consensual sex. This is the modernity referred to in Kolker's article. Has this eliminated child pornography? Has it eliminated trafficing in sex slaves - adults and children or child prostitution? Has it eliminated forcible stranger rape and date rape? Has it lessened incest and child abuse in the secular world? I don't think that there is evidence for any of those things. Besides those problems, and besides the easy acceptance of nonmarital sex, we see that there is no punishment and almost no pejorative associated with adultery. Not only is homosexuality (which the Torah considers an abomination and a capital offense both for Jews and Gentiles) almost totally accepted by "modern" secular society, there are even demands that homosexuals be allowed to marry, and that we not discriminate against them (even if we are doing it to protect ourselves from disease). Instead of being punished as in the past (foregive me for even mentioning it) bestiality is merely smiled and sniggered at. There is more concern for the rights of the animal than for the degradation of the person and society.

Removing sexual repression from society did not cure the problems and did not create a better society and in fact created mor problems.

We do not resist the benefits of modernity such as its technology, but widespread sexual immorality is not modernlity. It is a return to the primitive wickedness that the Torah warned us about: "According to the deeds of the land of Egypt ...you shall not do and according to the ways of the land of Cana'an you shall not do...." This is not modernity, this is not a goal, this is the antithesis of the way of the Torah.

That being said, let us see what the Torah wants from us.

Should we separate ourselves and our children from the evils of society? Obviously yes.

Should we uproot the evil from our midst? This is what the Torah advises. See my article "Sexual Abuse Action Plan" on this blog. By removing the current abusers, we can keep future generations from becoming victims. Be limiting victims, we lessen the pool of potential abusers, because unfortunately, victims often become abusers.

On our way to becoming a holy nation (or shall we say a more holy nation) should we limit temptations? Yes.

But what about taking it one step further, and returning to the pure ways of the Torah?

See my article in this blog on the proper age to get married. The Mishnah in Pirkei Avoth says Shemoneh Esrei L'chuppah. The Gemora suggests, and the Shulchan Aruch codifies that the ideal age to get married for fighting the yetser hara (evil inclination) is actually much younger. The Gemorra suggests 16 or 14, the Shulchan Aruch suggests 13. The Gemora sasys that if a man does not get married by age 20, all of his days will be spent thinking about sin. The simple halacha is that if he hasn't gotten married by age 20, we force him to get married. (The Rama says that nowadays the custom is not to force.)

Part of following the paths of the Torah is doing exactly what chazal suggested. Part of the fight against modernism is refraining from saying that because circumstances have changed, Chazal's rules and suggestions are not valid and binding. Someone who has a wife does not need to have sexual fantasies. Does not need to sneak off and meet girls. Does not need to look for damaging things on the internet. Yes, some married men may do those things, but did they fulfill Chazal's words to get married young, or are they fulfilling Chazal's words "all of his days will be thinking about sin"?

So step one is to uproot and isolate the current abusers. Get counselling for their victims so that the victims don't become abusers.

Step two - Encourage early marriage. Do not allow raging hormones to create a state of illicit thoughts.

These two steps will eliminate a lot of the problems for most people. There is a small minority of people for whom this is not enough. They are married. They got married young. The hormones are still raging. Maybe the wife is not available as much as he needs (perhaps through no fault of her own, her cycles may be off, she may be ill and weak or any of a number of legitimate reasons). The Torah gave a solution for this problem too.

This solution is called polygamy. We hope soon to have a full discussion of the halachic status of Cherem Rabbeinu Gershom bizman hazeh as well as the sociological needs for polygamy. In the meantime, suffice it to say that for Sephardim and 'Edoth Hamizrach, there is not the slightest question, it is perfectly mutar. The Rashba and the Beith Yoseph both say clearly that the cherem was over in the year 4999. The Rashba, the Maharik and the Beith Yoseph all say that a man who left the place where they had the cherem and came to a place that didn't have it are not obligated. the beith Yoseph specifically dealt with the case of an Ashkenazi in Yerushalayim who had a wife, had shalom bayis, had children and just wanted an additional wife. The Beith Yoseph was matir. He also said that in Andrianople, Salonika and Constantinople there were large kehilloth of Ashkenazim and they married two wives and no one said boo.

Polygamy s not for everyone, but since it is mutar at least in some circumstances (and I think in general as I will show when I get the article posted), it should be used to eliminate some of the tensions which may cause a person to sin.

Even if the cherem applied, since it did not spread to all Jews everywhere, then even a Beith Din which is less in chochma v'minyan can eliminate the ban. If eliminating it would eliminate even a small percentages of the problems, then it should be done.